I'm Exhausted...

A little over 5 am I started to wake, even before the alarm goes off, psyching myself up for another clinical day. I don't dread it. I can just feel the hectic day waiting to begin. I know the moment I get up the comfy, warm bed the battle is on.

I force myself in the cold bathroom.

Showering was an option before but these days were an exception. I needed it to wake up and to rid myself from the cold. Once I'm in, I'm good to go. The hot steam has such a therapeutic effect it literally wakes every sleeping cell of my body (including my brain cells).

I then prepare a quick, healthy breakfast. Oatmeal and eggs or sausage is what I usually consume to get me through until lunch. I don't usually eat breakfast but since nursing school, I opted on a full, satisfied stomach. I hate it whenever my stomach growls mercilessly on lecture days.

Today a classmate and I dared to do a bed bath without nursing assistance. We felt confident and prepared since we've been observing and helping out for more than 3 weeks now. Everything was a breeze except for ambulating. Considering the size of our patients, it was hard not to break a sweat. We struggled on keeping her on her chair. Both our patients had pschosis, so most of the time they're uncooperative especially during baths. But we did what we could until our shift ended.

It's midterm next week. I've been reading a lot but I still could not take my mind of the coming spreak break. It would be nice to have some time off. To relax a bit.


A Call from the Philippines

I got a call today from a close friend from the Philippines. It's nice to hear a familiar voice from time to time. She was asking when I could go back for a visit because it's been ages since I did.

For Pete's sake, I was still single!

She pointed out that I've been here for so long already I might have forgotten everything altogether. I felt guilty because it was true. Certain faces, memories have started to blur in my mind's eye. The daily routine of life, family and school have kept me from noticing how time flew. In a blink of an eye I've spent 6 years here, in l.a.

But then again I should not feel guilty, I was just fulfilling my job as a parent, wife and daughter.

Of course I want to go back home for a vacation but we're in a process of building our lives and working for our future. I promised myself the moment I get a good nursing job we'll all go. I'd love for my daughter to see the philipppines and for my husband to go back after 18 years.

For the meantime...

There's a new cutie pie in town. I used to loathe dogs especially the ones that growls, jumps and barks at you the moment they sense you're someone new(I guess most dogs are like that). My daughter and husband would really love it if I'd consider having a dog/s someday. But considering my traumatic and hateful experiences with canines they've given up trying to change my mind. Until we met Benjie, my cousin's dog. From the moment I saw him I didn't hear a single growl nor a bark. He just stared quietly begging for someone to stroke his light brown fur.


My two cutie pies

Unwritten
I am unwritten, can't read my mind, I'm undefined
I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your INHIBITIONS
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

I break tradition, sometimes my tries, are outside the lines
We've been conditioned to not make mistakes, but I can't live that way


-Natasha Bettingfield




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This song is so much of an inspiration to me. It hit me so hard and penetrated so deep I am compelled to share it. The message is strong and to the point. It makes you want to plunge into the things you've been hesistating to do. It's true. Life is too short to be lived with inhibitions, fear, uncertainty, doubt, regrets. We should all live as if it were our last.

Deprived of a Good Movie

I have been on a losing streak, in regards to dvds I have recently seen. I don't really expect anything much out of Diane Lane, Debra Messing, even Renee Zelwegger. But Julia Roberts!!! I have loved most if not all of her movies and Closer is just disappointing. Not only was Roberts in it, but Natalie Portman and Jude Law as well. Their acting is great, especially Portman but the story was.... blah. I felt the writer was trying too hard to make it seem as if it were someone's worth their while. It didn't fool me. I knew it would be hard to top Fever Pitch! Movies like that don't come as often anymore...you know, movies that strike a nerve.

My rating: Blah
If you're trying to kill time, or if you're really, really bored, then go ahead and watch. But I guarantee you won't feel any different from the moment you pressed play. It's just another crappy movie.

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This is our second week in the nursing home. I finally have gotten my feet and hands wet. There was a lot more to do this week. A lot more patient contact if you will. I felt so exhausted after, but it was a good kind of exhaustion. It was a sense of accomplishment of some sort. It was good. But I'm definitely going to pursue Pediatrics. People here are humongous, in comparison to us filipinos. As we all know we're petite and short compared to Americans but I always say that Bigger doesn't always mean Better, if you know what I mean. It's just a matter of size, what's important is what's in your heart and mind. I brought this up because I have been getting all these feedback from teachers, classmates and others. They're good feedbacks but it was mostly about my height. About how cute, small and petite I am. One stranger came up to me and said "You're the cutest little nurse I've ever seen!". She said that as if I was a child, a preschooler who's playing dress up with mommy's working clothes. They actually think I'm 16 years old. Well I'm not and I'm there to prove to myself and to them that size doesn't matter*.

*Well sometimes it does especially when physical strength is concerned. But hey we are not always in a wrestling match...

Here's some visuals.The picture from the beach is an old one. I just wanted to post something outdoorsy coz I've been itching to do some nature- tripping or hiking. Or the beach perhaps....

Weekly Update

It has been a long Tuesday and Thursday for me. It was in those days I had to finally get into an actual nursing care setting as a part of our clinical hours. I had little sleep the night before because I didn't know what to expect. I had very mixed feelings about it. There was a rush of adrenaline pumping through my veins, just itching to get into action. At the same time, I felt very awkward and unsure of myself of what I, as a student, am allowed to do. I also felt very excited and happy about having to experience something for the very first time. Just witnessing the hustle and bustle of nurses, nursing assitants, physical therapists along with all the other staff in and out patient's room is amazing.

All I could say is that...it isn't easy. Nursing is not an easy job considering the huge responsibility a nurse has to her patients. Someone's life is on the line here. His/her life depends on the quality of care a nurse provides. As a student, all I know is what the book says. But theory without the actual performance is nothing. I just hope and pray that I could get through the initial stages of awkwardness, insecurity and unfamiliarity. After that, I can get the ball rolling and just do what I have been preparing to do.

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On a much lighter side, we just went to a fun party at my daughter's school. I'm glad that this Hello program from Blogger is working. It's much easier to upload photos because it can resize it for me. So here are some of the pictures.

Cravings

This is how my cravings look like this month. Its funny how it evolves from one food to another

hershey's chocolate + kettle style chips jalapeno flavor(super hot!) + sushi= that time of the month