This is the Day

The sweet smell of success is such a nice experience especially if it's well and hard earned. I've been struggling with something for the past three years which hindered my independence, freedom and ultimately my feelings of self-worth. I've questioned my abilities, pounded my head with thoughts of giving up and pulling myself back again. It only took one person to push me through. My mom was and is my constant companion, through thick and thin she was there. And now I will forever be grateful for everything. I will always remember this day, the day which I tasted the fruits of my labor. The day I have proved to myself that anything is possible through Christ who gives me strength. The day I never thought would come. I promise to remember that I can do ANYTHING as long as I don't give up and give in to the feelings of loss and inadequacy when failure comes. I can reach my goals through perseverance, patience, and most importantly prayers.

Everything has its own time.
God knows when it is time.
Today is my time.

Sweet, sweet smell of success.

And World Peace!

Host:What is the one most important thing our society needs?

Gracie Hart: That would be... harsher punishment for parole
violators, Stan.

[crowd is silent]

Gracie Hart: And world peace!!!

This dialogue and the rest of the movie Miss Congeniality has turned watching Miss Universe Pageants into a joke, at least for me. I used to be so serious about it way back when I was young but little by little you learn to be sarcastic, suspicious and doubtful about the contestants' sincerity. Oh sure, they're all made up and glued to perfection on camera. What I'd like to see is the off cam bitching and cat fighting. Haha, too much reality tv for me! But I guess that's what people love about reality tv, although most of the time scripted and overrated, it portrays real emotions and dilemmas.

I accidentally caught the last 15 minutes of this year's Miss U Pageant which I was delighted to know was held here in Los Angeles. I didn't have a clue, I just know it was to be held at some point, in a far away exotic place.

The final five was not really that impressive, especially Miss Switzerland. I don't know, they all look alike. I would have wanted Miss Japan to win because aside from being charming and cute, it would have given Asian countries a chance to be recognized as well. Coz it's always the usual Miss Venezuela, Spain, Puerto Rico, I mean, geez give it a rest, we know they're beautiful! Give others a chance! I didn't see Miss Philippines but I read she won Miss Photogenic, not bad. At least may award! She looks cute in this snapshot.

As I was reading through the pageant's official website, I was surprised to see Santino Rice, former contestant of my fave reality show Project Runway, to be one of the judges. That's why people are dying to be exploited in reality shows, the payoff is just priceless. You can't get anymore exposure than that!

Ok, here's Miss U 2006 with her fake tears and phony cries. I bet she'd sell that $250,000 crown if she had the chance. (I am so bad)



MISS PUERTO RICO, ZULEYKA RIVERA CROWNED MISS UNIVERSE® 2006 DURING LIVE NBC TELECAST ON JULY 23RD

Can you believe this? She's only 18!!! When I was 18, I still didn't know what to do with my life, let alone winning Miss U. What an over-achiever!

And the line-up is so Hollywood! Carson from Fab 5 is one of the commentators. The judges had stars from reality shows and the girl from Deal or No Deal, WTH? I just thought it was way too hollywood for me. What happened to distinguished panel of judges?

Pardon the sarcasm and sour graping, I've totally been brainwashed by Miss Congeniality.

Can't stand the BS

Family gatherings, reunions and parties is part of our culture and lifestyle. It's something that some of us, including me, dread. Some of it I regretted attending, some of it wasn't so bad. Two of our relatives from Texas are staying here until Saturday. It's been awhile since we've seen them and so the chit chats and updates would not cease. I've noticed that it wasn't so much about keeping updated with everybody but it also has been about bragging about who's apo or grandkid is the smartest, most active, spoiled. It's sort of a match up between two families competing about their children and their children's children's status in life. They're not fighting or arguing, they're just talking and talking and still talking, trying to top off each other's stories, that's all. I don't know, I just can't stand it. That's probably why, most of my relatives know me as reserved, quiet and shy. It's because I can't stand the crap, the subtle and hidden bullsh*t that goes on. I completely shut off. For once, I'd like it to be about real heart to heart conversations about life, family or old age, I don't know...just something without having to brag. If they could just see how many times I roll my eyes everytime I hear about another smart apo, they'd think I'm a snob.

One more thing I've noticed whenever there are visitors around some of my family's personality changes. They become this accomodating, sweet, kind, patient person. Not that they're none of those good qualities, but it just becomes way too much it looks like a show. I've stopped a long time ago changing how I act just for the sake of pleasing other people. I hated it whenever you need to do a certain thing just so they wouldn't think or talk bad about you. For me, as long as I'm not doing anything bad or hurting other people, they can talk all they want I don't care. I can't be someone I'm not. I mean, you can just see through me when I start pretending. I get tensed, uncomfortable, sweaty and jumpy. I look like I stole something which is probably the case. Putting on a face that isn't mine.

Que Sera Sera?

When I was just a little girl
I asked my mother what will I be?
Should I be pretty, should I be rich?
Here's what she said to me...
Que sera sera, whatever will be, will be.
The future's not ours to see. Que sera sera.
What will be, will be.


I've been spending most of my time with my mom and grandmother since our summer vacation and things have come up regarding my grandmother's physical and emotional health. Not that she's in serious or terminal threat, she's doing fine, but recently she's been a bit down. Her attitude towards life seems to be negative. She complains about her aging body all the time, but let's face it, our bodies naturally wear out with age. We can't expect it to be as vibrant and energetic as it once were. My mother encourages her to go visit some of her friends but sometimes she hesitates and would still rather stay at home and sleep.

My grandmother, mother and I are not at all different. We all grew up in a stable, Christian home with the support and care of our family. Partying and socializing isn't much of a priority, we'd rather have really close friends and family to be with occassionally. You know, we're not the spontaneous pack-up-your-bags-let's-go-to-africa(or anywhere new and exotic) kind of family. We're pretty much laidback, predictable, quiet and stable.

I wonder, would I be as stubborn and as lifeless as my grandmother in a few year's time? Would I rather be in bed complaining about how stiff my joints are and how bad I was feeling from day to day?

It's easy right now to say that, No I'd still have a positive outlook in life when I grow older. My grandmother wasn't at all like that before. She worked, cooked and did all the ordinary things we do but since her heart surgery she had quite a change in personality. Maybe it's old age, maybe it was from the surgery, maybe it's depression. She complains about her chest but the doctor assured her so many times that she has to get used to it because that's how it is going to feel due to the pacemaker. That was 4 years ago, she still complains about it.

My mom and I figured that she just doesn't have anything to divert her mind with. That's why her focus is on the pain and the negative. Or she may have been living the que sera sera motto by living life as it comes along, passively letting time run its course without a hint much less the knowledge of what the future holds.

We must have a little knowledge about the future, right? I believe in dreams, hopes, plans, goals because without these things we're good as dead. I believe we should never lose the child in us. The wonderment and awe in a child's eyes when it sees something sparkly and shiny. I believe that by chasing rainbows, we become motivated to get up and battle our way through the day.

Living an optimistic life really needs getting used to. I believe it's a lifestyle one has to learn while still young and should be maintained all throughout old age. I refuse to give up on life when that time comes when I'm all sick and wobbly. But I have to start now while I could still realize how much life has to offer and while I could still see the beauty of being alive.

Brokeback Mountain 2

Found this pic through my cousin. Isn't it hilarious? Graphics is nicely done too huh, must be done by someone who's desperately been wanting a girl on girl action from these fine ladies.

I just bought Brokeback Mountain, but have not seen it as of yet. Still waiting for the right time...and place. I want no distractions and of course my daughter can never see it, obviously. It takes time for us to see movies such as this because it has to be watched on a very specific time and place, preferably when the little one is fast asleep.

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I'm pretty much happy now with my layout. This was more of what I was trying to achieve compared to the one before this. The other one was ok but I didn't know how the heck to put boxes on the sides so I then switched into a layout(from blogger of course, I have no choice) that is close to what I want it to look like. Added that vintage banner I've been obsessing about since last month. Thank God for banner generators! I attempted to make one through photoshop but it just didn't workout, or maybe it would but who knows when I'd finish.

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Love, Love, Love Project Runway. I missed it so much. But guess what Kai, I almost forgot to watch it, ha! thanks to re-runs...I caught the 10pm encore! There seems to be another Santino...

Just a ride

Jem - Just A Ride

Life, it's ever so strange
It's so full of change
Think that you've worked it out
then BANG
Right out of the blue
Something happens to you
To throw you off course
and then you

Breakdown
Yeah you breakdown
Well don't you breakdown
Listen to me
Because

It's just a ride, it's just a ride
no need to run, no need to hide
It'll take you round and round
Sometimes you're up
sometimes you're down
It's just a ride, it's just a ride
don't be scared
don't hide your eyes
It may feel so real inside
but don't forget it's just a ride

Truth, we don't wanna hear
It's too much to take
Don't like to feel out of control
So we make our plans
Ten times a day
And when they don't go
our way we

Breakdown
Yeah we breakdown
Well don't you breakdown
Listen to me
Because

It's just a ride, it's just a ride
no need to run, no need to hide
It'll take you round and round
Sometimes you're up
sometimes you're down
It's just a ride, it's just a ride
don't be scared
don't hide your eyes
It may feel so real inside
but don't forget it's just a ride

Slowly, oh so very slowly
accept that
there's no getting off
So live it, just gotta go with it
coz this ride's, never gonna stop

Breakdown
Don't you breakdown
No need to breakdown
No need at all
Because

It's just a ride, it's just a ride
no need to run, no need to hide
It'll take you all around
Sometimes you're up
sometimes you're down
It's just a ride, it's just a ride
don't be scared now
dry your eyes
It may feel so real inside
but don't forget enjoy the ride

--Love the lyrics, love the song... very well said.
Have a nice week ahead. Don't forget to enjoy the ride!

Yesterday's day out

Yesterday was quite an experience. It was the same routine we had everytime we go to Universal Studios, only this time it was jam-packed with matching scorching heat. Nice huh...but nonetheless we had fun, well mostly our daughter and that's what matters most. Since it was too hot to roam around, too crowded to get through lines and lines of people waiting to get in the rides, we just sat and watched our daughter have fun in this thing called Splash Zone. It was the perfect way to cool down. She didn't hesitate to get soaking wet until she shivered from the cold water that was constantly pouring down on the kids. It was kind of a water park, minus the swimming pool. Basically it was a playground with squirting,even buckets of it and sprays of water mists everywhere. So there. She had one hell of a good time. I could still hear her screams of joy.



Nickelodeon's Splash Zone


There she is, soaking wet in orange stripes.
I was too late to put her bathing suit on.


One of the actor dogs/animals they have on the set.


After she had enough of it, we went to watch Shrek 4D. It was in a theater, just like the movies, only this time the seats move and squirt water and blow air on your ear and feet. Of all the rides that was the only one we got into. Since neither of us wanted to go alone because one had to watch the little girl while the other takes on the ride, we just made it her day, like always.

Our treat would be the 20-dollar-all you can eat pass. It was funny because even if we weren't hungry we still got food to compensate for the money we've spent...hehe the drinks went along with it so it's free too. It seemed as if we went to a buffet restaurant instead of a theme park. Well that was part of the deal, so who am I to object?

About 6pm we went out of the park and decided to stroll down Citywalk. I discovered something I've always wanted to do since I came here. There's something romantic, fun, adventurous and liberating about watching a movie in an open space, on a big screen outdoors. I've seen them do that in the movies and since then I haven't stopped obsessing. So Universal Citywalk has this summer party to encourage the flow of people into their lare.



They have free concerts, movies, parties etc. I was very thrilled to learn about it particularly the movies. I would definitely have to do that sometime before summer ends.


Last year...


This year...I was taking cover from the heat.