Can't stand the BS

Family gatherings, reunions and parties is part of our culture and lifestyle. It's something that some of us, including me, dread. Some of it I regretted attending, some of it wasn't so bad. Two of our relatives from Texas are staying here until Saturday. It's been awhile since we've seen them and so the chit chats and updates would not cease. I've noticed that it wasn't so much about keeping updated with everybody but it also has been about bragging about who's apo or grandkid is the smartest, most active, spoiled. It's sort of a match up between two families competing about their children and their children's children's status in life. They're not fighting or arguing, they're just talking and talking and still talking, trying to top off each other's stories, that's all. I don't know, I just can't stand it. That's probably why, most of my relatives know me as reserved, quiet and shy. It's because I can't stand the crap, the subtle and hidden bullsh*t that goes on. I completely shut off. For once, I'd like it to be about real heart to heart conversations about life, family or old age, I don't know...just something without having to brag. If they could just see how many times I roll my eyes everytime I hear about another smart apo, they'd think I'm a snob.

One more thing I've noticed whenever there are visitors around some of my family's personality changes. They become this accomodating, sweet, kind, patient person. Not that they're none of those good qualities, but it just becomes way too much it looks like a show. I've stopped a long time ago changing how I act just for the sake of pleasing other people. I hated it whenever you need to do a certain thing just so they wouldn't think or talk bad about you. For me, as long as I'm not doing anything bad or hurting other people, they can talk all they want I don't care. I can't be someone I'm not. I mean, you can just see through me when I start pretending. I get tensed, uncomfortable, sweaty and jumpy. I look like I stole something which is probably the case. Putting on a face that isn't mine.