Que Sera Sera?

When I was just a little girl
I asked my mother what will I be?
Should I be pretty, should I be rich?
Here's what she said to me...
Que sera sera, whatever will be, will be.
The future's not ours to see. Que sera sera.
What will be, will be.


I've been spending most of my time with my mom and grandmother since our summer vacation and things have come up regarding my grandmother's physical and emotional health. Not that she's in serious or terminal threat, she's doing fine, but recently she's been a bit down. Her attitude towards life seems to be negative. She complains about her aging body all the time, but let's face it, our bodies naturally wear out with age. We can't expect it to be as vibrant and energetic as it once were. My mother encourages her to go visit some of her friends but sometimes she hesitates and would still rather stay at home and sleep.

My grandmother, mother and I are not at all different. We all grew up in a stable, Christian home with the support and care of our family. Partying and socializing isn't much of a priority, we'd rather have really close friends and family to be with occassionally. You know, we're not the spontaneous pack-up-your-bags-let's-go-to-africa(or anywhere new and exotic) kind of family. We're pretty much laidback, predictable, quiet and stable.

I wonder, would I be as stubborn and as lifeless as my grandmother in a few year's time? Would I rather be in bed complaining about how stiff my joints are and how bad I was feeling from day to day?

It's easy right now to say that, No I'd still have a positive outlook in life when I grow older. My grandmother wasn't at all like that before. She worked, cooked and did all the ordinary things we do but since her heart surgery she had quite a change in personality. Maybe it's old age, maybe it was from the surgery, maybe it's depression. She complains about her chest but the doctor assured her so many times that she has to get used to it because that's how it is going to feel due to the pacemaker. That was 4 years ago, she still complains about it.

My mom and I figured that she just doesn't have anything to divert her mind with. That's why her focus is on the pain and the negative. Or she may have been living the que sera sera motto by living life as it comes along, passively letting time run its course without a hint much less the knowledge of what the future holds.

We must have a little knowledge about the future, right? I believe in dreams, hopes, plans, goals because without these things we're good as dead. I believe we should never lose the child in us. The wonderment and awe in a child's eyes when it sees something sparkly and shiny. I believe that by chasing rainbows, we become motivated to get up and battle our way through the day.

Living an optimistic life really needs getting used to. I believe it's a lifestyle one has to learn while still young and should be maintained all throughout old age. I refuse to give up on life when that time comes when I'm all sick and wobbly. But I have to start now while I could still realize how much life has to offer and while I could still see the beauty of being alive.