Friday, July 14, 2006

Que Sera Sera?

When I was just a little girl
I asked my mother what will I be?
Should I be pretty, should I be rich?
Here's what she said to me...
Que sera sera, whatever will be, will be.
The future's not ours to see. Que sera sera.
What will be, will be.

I've been spending most of my time with my mom and grandmother since our summer vacation and things have come up regarding my grandmother's physical and emotional health. Not that she's in serious or terminal threat, she's doing fine, but recently she's been a bit down. Her attitude towards life seems to be negative. She complains about her aging body all the time, but let's face it, our bodies naturally wear out with age. We can't expect it to be as vibrant and energetic as it once were. My mother encourages her to go visit some of her friends but sometimes she hesitates and would still rather stay at home and sleep.

My grandmother, mother and I are not at all different. We all grew up in a stable, Christian home with the support and care of our family. Partying and socializing isn't much of a priority, we'd rather have really close friends and family to be with occassionally. You know, we're not the spontaneous pack-up-your-bags-let's-go-to-africa(or anywhere new and exotic) kind of family. We're pretty much laidback, predictable, quiet and stable.

I wonder, would I be as stubborn and as lifeless as my grandmother in a few year's time? Would I rather be in bed complaining about how stiff my joints are and how bad I was feeling from day to day?

It's easy right now to say that, No I'd still have a positive outlook in life when I grow older. My grandmother wasn't at all like that before. She worked, cooked and did all the ordinary things we do but since her heart surgery she had quite a change in personality. Maybe it's old age, maybe it was from the surgery, maybe it's depression. She complains about her chest but the doctor assured her so many times that she has to get used to it because that's how it is going to feel due to the pacemaker. That was 4 years ago, she still complains about it.

My mom and I figured that she just doesn't have anything to divert her mind with. That's why her focus is on the pain and the negative. Or she may have been living the que sera sera motto by living life as it comes along, passively letting time run its course without a hint much less the knowledge of what the future holds.

We must have a little knowledge about the future, right? I believe in dreams, hopes, plans, goals because without these things we're good as dead. I believe we should never lose the child in us. The wonderment and awe in a child's eyes when it sees something sparkly and shiny. I believe that by chasing rainbows, we become motivated to get up and battle our way through the day.

Living an optimistic life really needs getting used to. I believe it's a lifestyle one has to learn while still young and should be maintained all throughout old age. I refuse to give up on life when that time comes when I'm all sick and wobbly. But I have to start now while I could still realize how much life has to offer and while I could still see the beauty of being alive.


At 1:42 PM, July 14, 2006, Anonymous Anonymous said...

that same song reminds me of my own childhood - my dad used to sing it to me.

my grandmother seems to have lost all interest in living life as well. she once had this love for cooking, but lately all she wants to do is sleep or play solitaire. sometimes i feel sad for her. when we tell her she should take a walk & get a little exercise, she shrugs and says "tinatamad ako eh."

At 4:41 PM, July 14, 2006, Blogger mildred said...

hay debs... learn from what you're seeing now. i may not know you that well, but i don't think you'll end up just like her. God bless! ;)

At 1:16 AM, July 15, 2006, Blogger jassy said...

we should all be optimistic. my grandmother is now on her senescence. sometimes she can be brutally frank to the point that she's accusing yo of dirty deeds. hehe... but she still wants to live. she fights for life. she has dm, hpn, chf, asthma, but still she's very optimistic. we should all learn from our grandmothers!

have a nice weekend!

At 9:52 AM, July 15, 2006, Blogger Kai said...

Optimism needs some getting used to, indeed.

At 3:29 PM, July 15, 2006, Anonymous Joice said...

Hi Debs...
I definitely agree...
"I believe in dreams, hopes, plans, goals...

Living an optimistic life really needs getting used to. I believe it's a lifestyle one has to learn while still young and should be maintained all throughout old age."

God bless us always :D

At 8:44 PM, July 15, 2006, Blogger joacs said...

you, your granny and your mom together...talking abt life...sounds like a movie

At 12:07 PM, July 17, 2006, Anonymous ethel said...

I have a heart for the elderly and I'm afraid too many of us forget about them.

At 11:14 PM, July 17, 2006, Blogger Vayie said...

Hi! Got here through Laureen's site.

At 7:22 AM, July 18, 2006, Blogger tin said...

i think it's something that we all go through, regardless of age. the lack of enthusiasm and optimism, i mean.

her outlook may have been affected by the change in her physical condition, so let's just hope that it's only a temporary phase. :)

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At 12:06 PM, August 24, 2006, Blogger Raquel said...

This song reminds me when I was in grade 3.

Think positive in all whatever we do, that's the secret of life.


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